I worked with senior managing editor Theresa Fisher to develop the style guide for Zocdoc’s patient-facing blog, The Paper Gown. I also edited a number of posts including this piece on the “keto” diet and mental health. Below are excerpts from the original submission along with my edits and reasoning.

I wanted the opening line to be cleaner in terms of grammar and style, and to soften the negative judgment implied by its phrasing, which may alienate readers right off the bat.

Original: “The ketogenic diet can’t seem to die.”

Edit: "Keto has staying power."

Original: "However, what's behind these improvements is unknown. Theories include that ketosis may reduce oxidative stress, inflammation, and mitochondrial dysfunction..."

Edit: "What’s behind the psychological improvements linked to keto? We’re not sure. A keto diet is thought to be an effective weight-loss regimen because it induces ketosis, a metabolic state in which low glucose availability forces the body to burn fat reserves for energy."

A missing sentence in the original draft needed to explain the scientific thinking behind keto's popularity as a weight-loss program. A question was a cleaner rhetorical method to pose the uncertainty around keto's effects. Answering as a we was more in the style of the blog, and more direct than the passive construction, "is unknown."

Original: "For starters, self-treating depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or any diagnosis by going on a diet that someone promoted on social media as “curing” their condition could mess with prescribed medications. For example, suddenly cutting out sodium or coffee diets very low in sodium or suddenly cutting out or adding coffee can increase or decrease levels of lithium, a common medication for bipolar disorder. And lurasidone for schizophrenia needs to be taken with about 350 calories worth of food. If someone tries intermittent fasting, it could cause less absorption and make the medication less effective, Feehan says.

This is one reason why Feehan works with dietitians and Naidoo works with doctors who prescribe medication and refer patients to her for dietary consultation. ‘The nutritionist needs to understand what medications someone is on and the side effects of those medications so they can advise on what foods to eat or avoid,” Naidoo says. If nobody knows a patient changed their diet, they don't know to check to see if they should change the dosage of any medications.""

Edit: "For starters, a change in diet could interfere with prescribed medications. Suddenly cutting out sodium or coffee can increase or decrease levels and therefore the effectiveness of lithium, a common medication for bipolar disorder. Lurasidone for schizophrenia needs to be taken with about 350 calories worth of food. Intermittent fasting may reduce absorption of medication and make it less effective, Feehan says. Doctors and dietitians sometimes work together to make sure medication and diet don’t work against each other."

In this passage, I removed redundancy and awkward word choices, and reduced the dismissive tone heard at times in the draft. I've also condensed the important information to more succinctly and forcefully make the author's point about collaborating with doctors and dieticians to determine the right regiments for each patient.

Original: "It's not that you can't or shouldn't want to thrive—of course we all should. The issue is that, when it comes to diagnosed mental health conditions, it's best not to play guinea pig or to hide anything from your treatment team. Before you go on a new diet or try any other intervention, talk to your providers. Then you can work together to figure out which plan is best for you.""

Edit: "Experts don’t want to discourage patients from making lifestyle improvements. Quite the opposite; they want to support patients in their pursuit of health. But if you want to try out a new diet for the express purpose of treating a diagnosed mental condition, loop in your provider first. They’ll help you come up with a plan that makes sense for you."

Here I cut vague words and phrases ("of course we all should") to give the second draft of this article a stronger sound. The piece cautions readers about the risks of a "keto" diet, but the revised draft avoids giving the impression of looking down on those patients.